Teaching Kids About Creating Boundaries

Most adults recognize how important it is to set boundaries and have experienced the distress that can come when they don’t. Moreover, developing a habit of not setting boundaries often results in increased anxiety and lowered self-esteem. While some people set boundaries naturally, for others it is a behavior that needs to be explicitly taught – which makes a compelling case for teaching children the importance of setting boundaries from a young age.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are like invisible lines that help keep us and others safe and comfortable. They tell us where we end and someone else begins, and they are important for our well-being. Think of boundaries as rules we make for ourselves about how we want to be treated and how we treat others.

Boundaries can be about our bodies, feelings, and time. For example, if you don't want to be hugged, saying, "No thank you," is setting a boundary. If you need some quiet time to think or relax, letting others know you prefer to be alone is also setting a boundary. Boundaries help us feel safe, respected, and happy.

Steps to Teach Kids to Compassionately Set Boundaries

1. Talk About Boundaries: Explain what boundaries are in simple terms. For example, "A boundary is like a rule that helps us feel safe and happy. It tells others what is okay and what is not okay."

2. Model Boundary Setting: Show kids how to set boundaries by setting your own. For example, say, "I need some quiet time now, so I'm going to read my book alone." You may follow up with a question to help them make their own plan: "What would you like to do while I read?"

3. Role-Playing: Practice setting boundaries through role-playing. Use real-life scenarios your child has faced. For instance, if a classmate wants to copy homework, your child can say, "I can't let you copy my work, but I can help you understand it."

4. Use Stories and Examples: Read books or tell stories where characters set boundaries. Help your child identify the line being drawn and ask questions like, "How did the character feel after setting their boundary?"

5. Encourage Open Communication: Teach kids to express their needs and listen to others. For example, if a friend is playing too rough, your child can say, "I don't like playing rough. Can we play gently instead?"

By teaching kids to set boundaries, we help them feel safe, respected, and valued. This skill not only protects their well-being but also nurtures empathy and understanding in their relationships.